For Better and...for Worse??

12/09/2018

You're standing in front of the officiant and you're reciting your vows. "...For better and for worse; for sickness and in health..." You place the ring on your partner's finger. Everything's perfect right...??

...Days pass...months pass, years pass...

There have been some really good times, exciting times. There have also been some difficult moments that have caused some problems and it just seems to keep getting bad. In a new marriage, I would say at least the first five years, you experience some trying times, which seem to be the most difficult. It's inevitable, I mean you're still learning so much about this new journey and you both are continuously evolving as individuals. Of course there will be disagreements, sometimes even arguments. These are the times when your vows are challenged the most.

Remember when you vowed to love each other through better or for worse? Did you really mean it? It's so easy to say "Yes, I meant every word" when everything is going right. But do you REALLY mean that you will be there for the worse times or did you actually mean "for better or until I can't take it anymore"??

Vows are defined as a "solemn promise or commitment." When tough times are present, it is so easy to say "I didn't sign up for this!" But...you did! Remember when you pledged your love together before God and your family and friends? Remember the marriage certificate with your signature? You signed up for this, you just didn't think it would be this hard! A happy marriage is not perfect by any means. It's two imperfect people that chose to love each other through thick and thin and despite their flaws. There is joy and happiness and laughter, but that will not happen every day. Some days might be full of tension and frustrations with each other; and that's okay!

Every couple has their own challenges in marriage that falls under the "for worse" category. That could be when a spouse is experiencing an illness, or infidelity, lack of intimacy or attention, lack of appreciation, change in income, etc. This is when we are tested the most in our marriage and loyalty to one another AND in the validity of our vows. There's no timeframe on when these difficulties can end. Sometimes it can last only a few days or months; extreme cases might last years. It is tough, I can admit that first hand. There are times when I myself wanted to say "Screw this!" because a situation was more difficult than I anticipated.

These are moments where growth occurs and strength is being built in your marriage. You should remember the context of your vows now more than ever; the vows you made to God and to your spouse to love each other despite the hard times. And just know, that you can make it through any of these difficult phases, but there are things you must do.

Communicate.

I can not stress enough the importance of communicating. Communicating isn't just the act of talking, but actively listening to each other. In communicating with each other you need to come up with solutions for your issues, if the situations applies, and what to do if the situation arises again.

Forgiveness.

You have to forgive each other for your transgressions. Not only for the sake of your marriage, but for yourself. Forgiveness might take time and that is okay, as long as you eventually reach that point. I would not recommend going TOO long without handling this issue because it can cause a strain on your marriage.

Space (optional).

I do not recommend space because I believe that you should be able to handle your situations and still be in the same household, but not everyone thinks as I do. If it's not agreed upon, a spouse can feel abandoned and that could possibly create more problems. Others are okay with taking time from each other to breathe and to really analyze the situation(s) without feeling pressured; but remember with space there should always be reconciliation. 1 Corinthians 7: 10-11 says "To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife".

DO. NOT. GIVE. UP!

It is hard right now, but it will get better. You have to trust and believe that it will. Trust might have to be rebuilt, but even shaky foundations can be fixed. You will be pleased with the end results, trust me. God gives us the strength we need to fight ALL battles.

2 Chronicles 15:7 "But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded"

Definition of vows by: dictionary.com